HERI "Community" Retreat Info Page
Next Retreat:
Dates: Mar 26 ~ Mar 30, with Wed & Thur as flex-days, Fri & Sat & Sun (until 2pm) as retreat-days.
Location: a private house in West Brattleboro, Vermont.
Availability: 7 people max ~ 4 spots still open.
Schedule: see below for details. General: Thur 3.30-5.30pm, Fri & Sat 10am-8.30pm, Sun 10am-2pm.
Sign up: here.
What's "flex-days" and "retreat-days"?
The intention is that we would all be living under the same roof for these 5 nights ~ a little community.
The first two days, the "flex days", we are just building rapor and creating experiences with each other, including potentials for friction and trust-building. On flex-days, people can work remotely, wonder around, hang out with each other, whatever. Just sleep under the same shared roof.
Then, on retreat days (Fri, Sat and half-Sun) we participate in retreat-specific activities and workshops, from 10am until 8.30pm ~ with lots of breaks for meals, solo time, rest.
Menu of Activities
This is the starting list, any items can be added after Opening Circle of the retreat.
- Dancing
- Music Jams
- Meditation (Guided, Silent)
- NVC
- Philosophy talks
- Singing, Song Circle
- Drumming, Drum Circle
- Discover-your-song workshop
- Sharing Circle:
- Talking Stick Circle
- Men's/Women's Circle
- Authentic Relating (AR):
- Eye gazing plus AR game
- Hot seats AR game
- Show and Tell AR game
- Complaints AR game
- Circling
- New games and exercises
- Improv Theater games
- Make a gratitude / care card
- Write a no-send letter to a person who hurt you
- Write a letter of forgiveness
- Judgments workshop (The story I have / What’s wrong with people)
- Curiosity Workshop
- Parts Work, IFS, Inner Child work
- Inner Critic exercise (p.208 in M.Sweezy)
- PARA-lab (Personal and Relational Awareness process 2-3hrs)
- Attachment Theory workshop
- Triggers: share, explore, workshop
- Togetherness activities:
- Sauna / swim
- Read together in the same room
- Grocery store / Farmers' Market trip
- Nature walk
- Trip to the library
- Make food together
- Card games: The Mind, UNO, Set
Daily Schedule
Wednesday
Self-organize, move in:
Morning: _____________________________
Afternoon: _____________________________
Evening: _____________________________
Thursday
Self-organize:
Morning: _____________________________
Afternoon: _____________________________
3.30-5.30pm ✨ Opening Circle ✨
5pm onwards _____________________________
Friday
Morning time & breakfast
10am heri 1 [2h] _____________________________
12pm Lunch prep, eat, clean up
1.30pm heri 2 [1.5h] _____________________________
3pm Solo time
4pm heri 3 [1.5h] _____________________________
5.30pm Dinner prep, eat, clean up
7pm heri 4 [1.5h] _____________________________
8.30pm Solo time, wind-down, etc
Saturday
Morning time & breakfast
10am heri 5 [2h] _____________________________
12pm Lunch prep, eat, clean up
1.30pm heri 6 [1.5h] _____________________________
3pm Solo time
4pm heri 7 [1.5h] _____________________________
5.30pm Dinner prep, eat, clean up
7pm heri 8 [1.5h] _____________________________
8.30pm Solo time, wind-down, etc
Sunday
Morning time & breakfast
10am heri 9 [2h] _____________________________
12pm Lunch prep, eat, clean up
1pm ✨ Closing Circle ✨
2pm Departures
What activites can I skip?
Our schedule of retreat-specific activities is: Thur 3.30-5.3pm, Fri & Sat 10am-8.30pm, Sun 10am-2pm.
Ideally, you will be available and present during those times. If you need to skip some - it is not the end of the world, just give the group a heads-up and recognize that you will miss out on potential important context, as every activity ends up being an opportunity for a deeper process, which then inadvertently gets added to the context of the retreat. (Context in this case refers to experiences that impact and guide our behaviors.)
Please do not skip Opening Circle (Thursday 3.30-5.30pm) and Closing Circle (Sunday 1-2pm) as best you can. If you must - give us a heads-up, and we may be able to shift times to accommodate you.
Opening Circle
Intentions
Clarify intentions, desires, outcomes, fears, expectations: for ourselves, and for each other. This will help guide our choice of activities.- Your Intention?
- Shared intentions:
- Experimental - notice what changed before and after.
- Living “circling”
- Learning our edges and comforts in living communally.
Logistics (parking, shoes off in the house, clean up after yourself)
- Bathroom use: times, knock, lights, hot water
- Sustainability: conserve electricity & water, compost
- Quiet hrs & naptime?
- Activities/offerings before 10am?
- Schedule timing is flexible
- 'Tasks for Success' ~ ways to assist
Agreements
- Timeliness? (ex: wait for everyone before starting? Start no later than 5 min? Communicate ahead about lateness?)
- I-statements, NVC-like
- Everyone is a leader
- Staying in connection
Menu of Options
- Additions?
- stars (1 + # of people) ~ one per item/row
- complete by 9.30am Fri
- meet 5 min before each activity @ kitchen to decide
My desired pieces:
- Withholds & Impacts
- “Freeze & Reflect” Game / Noticings
- Toning / vowels / song for most heri activities
- “I am here” morning practice?
- Food gratitude / yum
Anything else?
Closing Circle
- How was it?
- Take-aways.
- Ways to reciprocity.
- Check out.
- Other ideas:
- Track / rate safety with each other
- How open was your heart?
- Make a heart for yourself?
- Accountability / connection / HERI buddies?
Pre-requisites
Having said that, our agreements reference NVC, i-statements, 'authentic relating' terms, so familiarizing yourself with those ahead of time is useful.
Key Definitions
I-statements ~ assertion about the feelings, beliefs, values, etc. of the person speaking, generally expressed as a sentence beginning with the word I, and is contrasted with a "you-message" or "you-statement", which often begins with the word you and focuses on the person spoken to. (Wikipedia)
The following definitions were borrowed from Sara Ness' "AR Games Manual" book:
Authentic Relating ~ a mode of communication that involves acknowledging and revealing one’s own feelings, thoughts, motivations, and perceptions.
Impact ~ sharing with the group, or a specific person, verbally how you were affected by an event or statement.
Withholds ~ things that we have left unsaid in a relationship or connection with another person. Sharing them regularly, before they build up, is the absolute best way to maintain relational health in a team, community, or relationship.
Circling ~ a relational meditation practice in which you speak your physical and emotional experience in this moment, with these people.
Owning Your Experience ~ identifying the locus of responsibility for feelings, actions, thoughts, beliefs, judgments, and behaviors within oneself, and communicating this through language such as “I” statements. “You seem angry. I feel scared.”